25 8 / 2014

My little Tugboat-Clean Version of “Arthritic Handjobs (the Paula Deen song)

25 8 / 2014

Socrates aint shit!

24 8 / 2014

05 8 / 2014

Tootlum
noun;
1.A dear, close friend or partner.
"Of course we can go to the dildo store my tumplety tootlum"

05 8 / 2014

Tumplety
adjective;
1.effervescently vivacious and good humored.
"Of course we can go to the dildo store my tumplety tootlum"

24 6 / 2014

Gockaloo
Noun;

1.A buffoon.

adjective;

2.A laughable subject

24 6 / 2014

Magnumonsia
noun;

1.an untested batch of drugs or vitamin tablet attained by suspicious means or of suspicious quality.
"Dude, that shit is mangumonsia. Don’t take it."

2.A penis of such girth that it painfully stretches any orifice that it enters.
"Dude, that dude has a magnumonsia. Don’t fuck him."

24 6 / 2014

1.It has way too much sodium.

2.One serving doesn’t make you anywhere close to full

3.The Jews are probably right.

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04 6 / 2014

Some of my twelve followers will be happy to find out I’ve been out and about like a pouty kraut lout with coke in his snout!
Today, Wednesday June 4th, I’ll be at Tavern at the End of the World in Charlestown. The show begins at 8. Go and get drunk, get the munchies, order food, laugh your ass off, pay the worst comic for a weepy handjob. It’s a great time!

07 5 / 2014

You’re a dick. I want to put baby powder between by butt cheeks and fart in your face. I want to give corpulent and constipated bronies simultaneous enemas in your bedroom. I want to shove your mini iPad into your mini asshole. Why? Because I might get a cold, or SARS.